thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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