...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
