Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
