I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
