So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Randomize
