How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
