Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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