Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
