You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
