you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
