She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
