yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
what day is it and did you see me today?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Randomize
