Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
