Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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