shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
