1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
