Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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