Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
