He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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