people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize