trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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