We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
