guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
