If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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