Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
