my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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