I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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