i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
