Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Holy sore nipples Batman
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
