I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
