Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize