We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
