Whatcha textin bout Willis?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
