Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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