Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
