I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
