How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
