You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
