i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize