it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
