Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
