I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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