I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize