The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
