We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
