i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
they need to just BURY HIM!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
