Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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