can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I need moral support for this bender
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize