she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
