so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
