everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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