the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
