is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize