You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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