You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
