i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize