What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
