You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
