We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
