oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
