She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
