But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
