DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
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