just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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