And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
