A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize