Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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