I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This is the high leading the old right now
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's rum buckets o'clock
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
