Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
