is your mom at the bar?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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