ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
