my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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