would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
