The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Such a big mess for such a small penis
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
