My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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