Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize