Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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