grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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