You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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