he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
