and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
