I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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