Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
