I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
