Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
