I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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