I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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