if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
