My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
