Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
