It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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