...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
