sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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