I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
